Motivational Monday

I can’t believe it’s been over a week without NRT.  Granted, I don’t think I’ve been doing myself any favours with the sugar-free gum, but if it gets me through it, I am willing to deal with the side effects.

I haven’t “cheated” (eaten offplan, blown my diet, whatever) for over two weeks, but I am still having problems losing weight.  I might be down a pound one morning and up two the next.  It’s all very frustrating because I still have so much to lose.  I am going to switch plans in a month or so if things don’t change (not off low carb, but something that sort of changes what I am eating entirely).

After I finish this post, I am working on the book again.  Two hours, non-stop.  I can aim for that, I suppose.  How realistic is up to debate, considering my reaction to sugar-free gum.

I have a Twitter now, because everyone needs to know what I am doing at all times.  I am not sure why I really signed up for it considering my family won’t bother getting one, and my friends don’t bother with the net as much as I do.  Still, now everyone can read about my life’s minutiae.  Damn it, I am going to Twitter hard core.

Fourth Day without Nicorette

Send help now…

Actually, it’s getting better, but controlling my apetite is really hard.  I think in some ways, I was depending upon the gum to help kill some cravings.  I do chew regular sugar-free gum now, but it is hard not to over do that.

It’s saving us a significant amount of money to have me quit the gum.  Plus, I don’t like the idea of being a gum junky.  I am just afraid of the weight issues.  The last time I went off it sucessfully, I gained quite a bit of weight.  I mean, I was fat before I quit smoking, but I was really fat before I started smoking again out of desparation.

So here I am.  I feel as if I’ve lost my security blanket.

Kensington Palace

Mr. Y and I went to Kensington Palace last weekend.  Can you believe people are still leaving cards and flowers 11 years after she died?  The gate was covered.

So far, this is the biggest let down of all the Royal Palaces: not that much to see, the audio tour sucked.  We had a relatively good time though.  Great to get out and do the “touristy” stuff.

I have finished a chapter in my book.  It’s kind of weird.  Sort of a relief.  Like I had “slow literary productive transit” and I drank some “Booktamil”.

Other news: Mr. Y got a new position.  Our cat has adopted an old brown shoelace and bugs me constantly to play with him with it.  I have been losing and gaining back the same 10 pounds for 4 months.

Let’s talk about the weather

Some days here are so gorgeous, it makes up for any rain, cold, or general dampness.  It’s a beautiful day, a little breezy, but sunny, warm and dry.  The clouds float by my window like starchy cotton balls, and most people are carrying their jumpers.

England does have some weather, but not as bad as it would seem.  What makes it horrible in my estimation is the price of heating fuel and a general lack of insulation in many homes.  Sometimes it feels like there’s no place to escape the chill.  I wore gloves and a scarf indoors last year, and I am not looking forward to breaking them out again.

I think I bore people in the States with my talk of the weather.  I bore myself with it sometimes.  “Yes, yes, it’s cold and damp.  Just like last time we talked.”  “Oh, raining again?  Not a surprise really.  It’s England.”  “Humid and in the 70s with an afternoon drizzle?  Sounds like you don’t need a weatherman to tell you your summer forecast.”

When my husband would come during the winters back home, he rarely went outside.  Inevitably, when he’d go out for his once or twice a week venture outside our little studio apartment, it would snow.  Or he’d be met with heavy winds.  Sometimes nature would be decidedly cruel and both would happen. 

At the time, I thought this had to be the coldest he’d ever been, and excused his seasonal agoraphobia.  Having wintered in his parents’ flat with the single paned 8 foot windows, soaring ceilings, outdoor (flush) loo, and the boiler that only comes on a few times a day, I know now that he knew cold.  Maybe he just never knew what it was like to be snugly warm when it was absolutely grim outside.

London doesn’t allow you to have a fireplace or fire-stove.  It’s meant to keep the air clearer, but I am beginning to question the wisdom in it.  Wood can be a carbon neutral fuel source, and can be a great boost to meagre gas boilers in buildings designed to be heated with fire (albeit a coal grate).  I am hoping we can move somewhere in the UK where we can freely burn wood to keep ourselves warmer and drier in the winter.

It’s a little telling that on such a beautiful day I am thinking about winter and being cold.  Maybe it’s just the slight autumny smell to the air the past week or so that has made me realise it’s coming quickly, and a lot sooner than I am used to.

Metre Impaired

Mr. Yumicho has the day off today, and even though it’s 1:20 here on the island, he’s not awake. I’m not complaining or anything, but I am treating this like a regular day, just a bit quieter.

I want to apologize for my lack of metre in my poem. I am not a poet. Poetry to me is often beautiful to behold, but beyond my abilities to compose in anything but formless semi-prose form. It’s not that I don’t like writing it. I do, and I often see it as a puzzle to fit things together. Mr. Yumicho blames my metre impairment on my (likely) tone-deafness. I think it comes from the same place my general klutziness and inability to dance comes from: my total lack of rhythm.  Recognising my total lack of talent, I still jump on the chance to write it, and use silliness as a cover.

Weighing myself this morning, I hit a new low. Well, to be fair, I’ve been lighter than this before. I mean I was only 6 pounds 8 ounces when I was born…and there were all those other weight loss successes that gradually turned into weight gains. Sometimes I do doubt that this time will be it, but I think the fact that I’ve pretty much stuck with it for well over a year really works in my favour. Maybe it’s not the slow weight loss that does the physiological change needed for sustained maintenance, but the change in thought. No, not good habits. Weight loss isn’t a habit you want to learn. Ideally, you shouldn’t need to be on a diet your whole life. After writing a comment on another blog, I realised I am really good at losing weight.  I suck at maintaining weight loss.  I’m talking more about the ability to recognise that we can’t have everything everyone else is having, that indulging in food isn’t a reward, and no matter how unfair it is, I will likely have to monitor my weight and adjust what I eat for the rest of my life.  Those sort of lessons sort of cross the weight loss and weight maintenance transition.

Warning!!! LOW CARB DANGERZZZ!!!

Janey had a tummy that grew and grew
Dieting for her, though, was nothing new
Before giving up, she tried The Atkins Diet
Soon her kidkneez asploded
And caused quite a riot

Xavier had always been a bit fat
The “Freshmen 15″ added to that
To low carb he turned to solve all his woes
But his bones soon all crumbled
From his jaw to his toes

Billy had a panniculus that waved in the wind,
After South Beach his fat pants went into the bin
Ignoring those who were so much smarter
For all those lost inches and pounds
Were all made entirely of water

Danielle wasn’t that fat or even chubby it seems
But she wanted to fit into the dress of her dreams
She skipped bread, rice, potatoes, and sugar too
Soon her doctor had to break it gently
Her arteries were clogged up with goo

Brett thought he’d be more fit by eating just meats
He used to lift weights and do other feats
I say “used to” because he can’t any longer
His muscles were all eaten away
By his reckless quest to grow stronger

If you eat too much meat you will be filled with regret
But on what to eat you really needn’t fret
Ornish has some answers to be had
As does Weight Watchers and Oprah
Which are never a fad

Remember that low carb is just a cheap trick
You eat fewer calories before your body gets sick
All that fat and protein will soon catch up it’s true
It happened to Aunt Sheila
And it will happen to you!

Gratitude list

I used to do these all the time, but I haven’t in a few months.  Before this one, they were always private. The idea behind these lists are simple: It’s hard to feel bad when you are grateful.  At the best of times, it will re-enforce a good state of mind or totally lift you out of a funk.  In the very least, it lightens a bad mood significantly.

Things I am grateful for today:

• My husband-Funny, smart, loving, sweet, charming, handsome.  He’s my best friend and partner in adventures.
• My cat-Hot damn I love this feline.  Not a day goes by that he doesn’t make me laugh.  Not a day goes by that he doesn’t melt my heart.
• Good coffee-I am not sure if I could easily manage the morning without it
• Being in the UK-It’s about time.
• Good books
• Good games
• Good TV
• Good Films
• My family-Even when things are strained
• My friends-Thanks for not outgrowing me
• Our bed-Admittedly I didn’t like it so much at first, but now I can deal with it a lot better.  I like the extra room
• Low carb-And those fierce low carb warriors fighting for better knowledge of nutrition so what’s accepted as dogma is replaced by common sense
• Material extras such as the computer, PS3, TV, etc… They make life easier and more fun.
• Morrisons-Great store.  Just wish it was closer
• The UK itself-My home of my heart.
• Little cafes that supposedly serve breakfast all day
• Libraries
• Fuzzy socks
• Japanese style slippers
• The colour of our thick duvet cover
• Going to the National Gallery
• Meat, cheese, and veg
• Twinings Fresh and Fruity Cranberry and Sanguinello Orange Herb tea
• Our little realm
• Our rose plant “Petunia”, Our basil plant “Basil”
• The coffee pot that needs babysitting.  It makes great coffee so I can forgive its screw ups
• When people help each other
• Cheese
• Fitting into smaller clothing.  Favourite jeans, I have my eye on you.
• And as always, other stuff

My morning routine

Usually, Mr. Yumicho wakes before I do.  Not always, but on most weekdays.  If I don’t wake while he’s getting ready, he kisses me goodbye and we exchange “I love you”s.  When I do wake (usually not that long afterwards), I rush to the bathroom and pee. 

Back in the bedroom I strip and weigh myself.  This, of course, can influence my mood either way depending on the number.  I then brush my teeth and drink a huge glass of water.  I might tidy things a bit, do some washing up, and make the bed at this point.

Next up is forum and email checking.  I usually put a pot of coffee on.  Since we have the coffee pot from hell, I have to babysit it to ensure the basket doesn’t fill up with water and damp grounds, piss over the side, and spread sludge over our counter and floor.  When it works, it makes a brilliant pot of coffee.  When it goes wrong, it’s pretty grim.

If I have a big project scheduled, I might start it.  This can range from housework to paperwork.  I like to keep Kitty Yumicho guessing, so I vary when I feed him, sometimes waiting until afternoon.  If I don’t have too much to do, I might play games or read.  If I am feeling industrious, I might write a bit.

For a while I tried to get into British soaps.  I like them more than American ones, but I just couldn’t get into them.  TV at first was pretty novel, but DIY, Big Brother, and game shows get a bit old after a while. Don’t get me wrong, I love some things on British TV, but I rarely watch daytime TV here.  It’s probably a good thing.

Empty jars

My mother-in-law hoards things.  Well, a little bit.  At first I thought it was a put on.  People of her generation were children during WWII, so that sort of flavours their view on “wastefulness”.  I thought that maybe she was just living up to an expectation until the jars started appearing.

I’ve saved jars in the past.  In fact, I prefer jars, especially those with a good seal, to plastic re-usable containers.  I’ve never canned anything, but I’ve always had it on my “someday to do list”.  I understand when people save a reasonable number of jars.  Usually, they don’t have a few cupboards full of unorganized reusable plastic containers, but whatever. 

So, when the empty Nescafe jars started appearing on one of our counters I was a bit confused.  They started intruding on the workspace, and since they have plastic tops, they are unsuitable for canning.  They might be OK for sauces or gravies in the fridge, but let’s face it, who really wants to store something like that in an old instant coffee jar?  I asked Mr. Yumicho but had no better explanation than canning. 

They suddenly disappeared for a while.  Or at least, they weren’t where I could see them.  Then, this morning when I was getting milk out for my coffee, I noticed them hidden away behind the bread safe and some other storage on the counter.  Little shiny Nescafe soldiers, waiting to be put to use for whatever.

It shouldn’t bother me I guess.  It’s just against everything I’ve struggled against.  I remember swearing to myself that I’d never be overwhelmed by “stuff” again and downsized my life.  Cleaning was a lot easier when you didn’t have 10 small appliances on the counters (which you rarely used), boxes of “fat” or “thin” clothes, clouds of carrier bags stuffed in a cupboard, things that would be useful if they just got that missing part or extra screw…

Maybe I am wasteful.  I try to recycle when possible, but more than anything, I try to avoid buying things that would be “wasteful” to dispose of in the first place.  This isn’t to say I don’t understand the idea of things needing to be used up or mended.  I lived that way for years.

Right now I am yearning for our own space.  That doesn’t mean it will be perfect or even that my way of doing things is right.  It’s just easier for me, and as Mr. Yumicho would probably testify, those around me.  I don’t like paying rent for things that don’t see the light of day for years.  Things you forget you have.  I don’t like the acrobatics that your life have to take on both figuratively and symbolically when you fill it full of too much stuff. 

But I am sure I am wasteful, but as I see it, it’s just wasteful in a different way.

Not what I wanted to see

When weighing this morning, I was up a pound from yesterday, and back into a different “decade” of weight (you know the second number in your weight).  It might have been Nobby’s Nuts from a few nights ago, because yesterday I IF’ed until dinner (intermittent fasting).  Maybe I just ate too much at dinner.

It’s times like these I have to avoid my own ability to sabotage my weight loss.  It usually takes a while, but if the scale doesn’t move for a few weeks (or even worse, goes up), I get doubts about our way of eating.  It inevitably ends up with a trip to Pizza Hut, me with sauce from a profiterole on my chin, and the two of us rubbing our bloated carb guts.

Maybe my body knows this and really wants profiteroles.  That’s why it’s doing this crap with the weight gain.  Ugh.