Janey had a tummy that grew and grew
Dieting for her, though, was nothing new
Before giving up, she tried The Atkins Diet
Soon her kidkneez asploded
And caused quite a riot

Xavier had always been a bit fat
The “Freshmen 15″ added to that
To low carb he turned to solve all his woes
But his bones soon all crumbled
From his jaw to his toes

Billy had a panniculus that waved in the wind,
After South Beach his fat pants went into the bin
Ignoring those who were so much smarter
For all those lost inches and pounds
Were all made entirely of water

Danielle wasn’t that fat or even chubby it seems
But she wanted to fit into the dress of her dreams
She skipped bread, rice, potatoes, and sugar too
Soon her doctor had to break it gently
Her arteries were clogged up with goo

Brett thought he’d be more fit by eating just meats
He used to lift weights and do other feats
I say “used to” because he can’t any longer
His muscles were all eaten away
By his reckless quest to grow stronger

If you eat too much meat you will be filled with regret
But on what to eat you really needn’t fret
Ornish has some answers to be had
As does Weight Watchers and Oprah
Which are never a fad

Remember that low carb is just a cheap trick
You eat fewer calories before your body gets sick
All that fat and protein will soon catch up it’s true
It happened to Aunt Sheila
And it will happen to you!