I can’t believe it’s been over a week without NRT.  Granted, I don’t think I’ve been doing myself any favours with the sugar-free gum, but if it gets me through it, I am willing to deal with the side effects.

I haven’t “cheated” (eaten offplan, blown my diet, whatever) for over two weeks, but I am still having problems losing weight.  I might be down a pound one morning and up two the next.  It’s all very frustrating because I still have so much to lose.  I am going to switch plans in a month or so if things don’t change (not off low carb, but something that sort of changes what I am eating entirely).

After I finish this post, I am working on the book again.  Two hours, non-stop.  I can aim for that, I suppose.  How realistic is up to debate, considering my reaction to sugar-free gum.

I have a Twitter now, because everyone needs to know what I am doing at all times.  I am not sure why I really signed up for it considering my family won’t bother getting one, and my friends don’t bother with the net as much as I do.  Still, now everyone can read about my life’s minutiae.  Damn it, I am going to Twitter hard core.

Send help now…

Actually, it’s getting better, but controlling my apetite is really hard.  I think in some ways, I was depending upon the gum to help kill some cravings.  I do chew regular sugar-free gum now, but it is hard not to over do that.

It’s saving us a significant amount of money to have me quit the gum.  Plus, I don’t like the idea of being a gum junky.  I am just afraid of the weight issues.  The last time I went off it sucessfully, I gained quite a bit of weight.  I mean, I was fat before I quit smoking, but I was really fat before I started smoking again out of desparation.

So here I am.  I feel as if I’ve lost my security blanket.

Mr. Y and I went to Kensington Palace last weekend.  Can you believe people are still leaving cards and flowers 11 years after she died?  The gate was covered.

So far, this is the biggest let down of all the Royal Palaces: not that much to see, the audio tour sucked.  We had a relatively good time though.  Great to get out and do the “touristy” stuff.

I have finished a chapter in my book.  It’s kind of weird.  Sort of a relief.  Like I had “slow literary productive transit” and I drank some “Booktamil”.

Other news: Mr. Y got a new position.  Our cat has adopted an old brown shoelace and bugs me constantly to play with him with it.  I have been losing and gaining back the same 10 pounds for 4 months.

Some days here are so gorgeous, it makes up for any rain, cold, or general dampness.  It’s a beautiful day, a little breezy, but sunny, warm and dry.  The clouds float by my window like starchy cotton balls, and most people are carrying their jumpers.

England does have some weather, but not as bad as it would seem.  What makes it horrible in my estimation is the price of heating fuel and a general lack of insulation in many homes.  Sometimes it feels like there’s no place to escape the chill.  I wore gloves and a scarf indoors last year, and I am not looking forward to breaking them out again.

I think I bore people in the States with my talk of the weather.  I bore myself with it sometimes.  “Yes, yes, it’s cold and damp.  Just like last time we talked.”  “Oh, raining again?  Not a surprise really.  It’s England.”  “Humid and in the 70s with an afternoon drizzle?  Sounds like you don’t need a weatherman to tell you your summer forecast.”

When my husband would come during the winters back home, he rarely went outside.  Inevitably, when he’d go out for his once or twice a week venture outside our little studio apartment, it would snow.  Or he’d be met with heavy winds.  Sometimes nature would be decidedly cruel and both would happen. 

At the time, I thought this had to be the coldest he’d ever been, and excused his seasonal agoraphobia.  Having wintered in his parents’ flat with the single paned 8 foot windows, soaring ceilings, outdoor (flush) loo, and the boiler that only comes on a few times a day, I know now that he knew cold.  Maybe he just never knew what it was like to be snugly warm when it was absolutely grim outside.

London doesn’t allow you to have a fireplace or fire-stove.  It’s meant to keep the air clearer, but I am beginning to question the wisdom in it.  Wood can be a carbon neutral fuel source, and can be a great boost to meagre gas boilers in buildings designed to be heated with fire (albeit a coal grate).  I am hoping we can move somewhere in the UK where we can freely burn wood to keep ourselves warmer and drier in the winter.

It’s a little telling that on such a beautiful day I am thinking about winter and being cold.  Maybe it’s just the slight autumny smell to the air the past week or so that has made me realise it’s coming quickly, and a lot sooner than I am used to.

Mr. Yumicho has the day off today, and even though it’s 1:20 here on the island, he’s not awake. I’m not complaining or anything, but I am treating this like a regular day, just a bit quieter.

I want to apologize for my lack of metre in my poem. I am not a poet. Poetry to me is often beautiful to behold, but beyond my abilities to compose in anything but formless semi-prose form. It’s not that I don’t like writing it. I do, and I often see it as a puzzle to fit things together. Mr. Yumicho blames my metre impairment on my (likely) tone-deafness. I think it comes from the same place my general klutziness and inability to dance comes from: my total lack of rhythm.  Recognising my total lack of talent, I still jump on the chance to write it, and use silliness as a cover.

Weighing myself this morning, I hit a new low. Well, to be fair, I’ve been lighter than this before. I mean I was only 6 pounds 8 ounces when I was born…and there were all those other weight loss successes that gradually turned into weight gains. Sometimes I do doubt that this time will be it, but I think the fact that I’ve pretty much stuck with it for well over a year really works in my favour. Maybe it’s not the slow weight loss that does the physiological change needed for sustained maintenance, but the change in thought. No, not good habits. Weight loss isn’t a habit you want to learn. Ideally, you shouldn’t need to be on a diet your whole life. After writing a comment on another blog, I realised I am really good at losing weight.  I suck at maintaining weight loss.  I’m talking more about the ability to recognise that we can’t have everything everyone else is having, that indulging in food isn’t a reward, and no matter how unfair it is, I will likely have to monitor my weight and adjust what I eat for the rest of my life.  Those sort of lessons sort of cross the weight loss and weight maintenance transition.

Janey had a tummy that grew and grew
Dieting for her, though, was nothing new
Before giving up, she tried The Atkins Diet
Soon her kidkneez asploded
And caused quite a riot

Xavier had always been a bit fat
The “Freshmen 15” added to that
To low carb he turned to solve all his woes
But his bones soon all crumbled
From his jaw to his toes

Billy had a panniculus that waved in the wind,
After South Beach his fat pants went into the bin
Ignoring those who were so much smarter
For all those lost inches and pounds
Were all made entirely of water

Danielle wasn’t that fat or even chubby it seems
But she wanted to fit into the dress of her dreams
She skipped bread, rice, potatoes, and sugar too
Soon her doctor had to break it gently
Her arteries were clogged up with goo

Brett thought he’d be more fit by eating just meats
He used to lift weights and do other feats
I say “used to” because he can’t any longer
His muscles were all eaten away
By his reckless quest to grow stronger

If you eat too much meat you will be filled with regret
But on what to eat you really needn’t fret
Ornish has some answers to be had
As does Weight Watchers and Oprah
Which are never a fad

Remember that low carb is just a cheap trick
You eat fewer calories before your body gets sick
All that fat and protein will soon catch up it’s true
It happened to Aunt Sheila
And it will happen to you!

I used to do these all the time, but I haven’t in a few months.  Before this one, they were always private. The idea behind these lists are simple: It’s hard to feel bad when you are grateful.  At the best of times, it will re-enforce a good state of mind or totally lift you out of a funk.  In the very least, it lightens a bad mood significantly.

Things I am grateful for today:

  • My husband-Funny, smart, loving, sweet, charming, handsome.  He’s my best friend and partner in adventures.
  • My cat-Hot damn I love this feline.  Not a day goes by that he doesn’t make me laugh.  Not a day goes by that he doesn’t melt my heart.
  • Good coffee-I am not sure if I could easily manage the morning without it
  • Being in the UK-It’s about time.
  • Good books
  • Good games
  • Good TV
  • Good Films
  • My family-Even when things are strained
  • My friends-Thanks for not outgrowing me
  • Our bed-Admittedly I didn’t like it so much at first, but now I can deal with it a lot better.  I like the extra room
  • Low carb-And those fierce low carb warriors fighting for better knowledge of nutrition so what’s accepted as dogma is replaced by common sense
  • Material extras such as the computer, PS3, TV, etc… They make life easier and more fun.
  • Morrisons-Great store.  Just wish it was closer
  • The UK itself-My home of my heart.
  • Little cafes that supposedly serve breakfast all day
  • Libraries
  • Fuzzy socks
  • Japanese style slippers
  • The colour of our thick duvet cover
  • Going to the National Gallery
  • Meat, cheese, and veg
  • Twinings Fresh and Fruity Cranberry and Sanguinello Orange Herb tea
  • Our little realm
  • Our rose plant “Petunia”, Our basil plant “Basil”
  • The coffee pot that needs babysitting.  It makes great coffee so I can forgive its screw ups
  • When people help each other
  • Cheese
  • Fitting into smaller clothing.  Favourite jeans, I have my eye on you.
  • And as always, other stuff

Usually, Mr. Yumicho wakes before I do.  Not always, but on most weekdays.  If I don’t wake while he’s getting ready, he kisses me goodbye and we exchange “I love you”s.  When I do wake (usually not that long afterwards), I rush to the bathroom and pee. 

Back in the bedroom I strip and weigh myself.  This, of course, can influence my mood either way depending on the number.  I then brush my teeth and drink a huge glass of water.  I might tidy things a bit, do some washing up, and make the bed at this point.

Next up is forum and email checking.  I usually put a pot of coffee on.  Since we have the coffee pot from hell, I have to babysit it to ensure the basket doesn’t fill up with water and damp grounds, piss over the side, and spread sludge over our counter and floor.  When it works, it makes a brilliant pot of coffee.  When it goes wrong, it’s pretty grim.

If I have a big project scheduled, I might start it.  This can range from housework to paperwork.  I like to keep Kitty Yumicho guessing, so I vary when I feed him, sometimes waiting until afternoon.  If I don’t have too much to do, I might play games or read.  If I am feeling industrious, I might write a bit.

For a while I tried to get into British soaps.  I like them more than American ones, but I just couldn’t get into them.  TV at first was pretty novel, but DIY, Big Brother, and game shows get a bit old after a while. Don’t get me wrong, I love some things on British TV, but I rarely watch daytime TV here.  It’s probably a good thing.

When weighing this morning, I was up a pound from yesterday, and back into a different “decade” of weight (you know the second number in your weight).  It might have been Nobby’s Nuts from a few nights ago, because yesterday I IF’ed until dinner (intermittent fasting).  Maybe I just ate too much at dinner.

It’s times like these I have to avoid my own ability to sabotage my weight loss.  It usually takes a while, but if the scale doesn’t move for a few weeks (or even worse, goes up), I get doubts about our way of eating.  It inevitably ends up with a trip to Pizza Hut, me with sauce from a profiterole on my chin, and the two of us rubbing our bloated carb guts.

Maybe my body knows this and really wants profiteroles.  That’s why it’s doing this crap with the weight gain.  Ugh.

I’ve not been writing at all.  I’ve been in a funk, and I really can’t explain why.  Who wants to read the work of a depressive social phobe?  Other days I think that I am living several things at once that people blog about successfully.  Besides, what is a successful blog?  I am just doing this to actually work on my discipline, my demand resistance as some might call it.  And recently, I have been giving into the resistance a lot more than I have been giving into the demand. 

Blog topic 1-Weight loss:

Well, I fell off the wagon a bit for a while.  I fell ill and wanted comfort food.  Mr. Yumicho (I really need to come up with a moniker for him) obliged with delights that I had never had before.  There is something addictive about Victoria sponge cake.  I have to hand it to British commercial bakers, they usually can pull off mass production of baked goods in a way that Americans just can’t. 

 I vacillated a bit.  I’d eat properly for a few days, and I’d give in and blow it.  I’ve taken off almost all that I put on over the past couple of months (about 10 pounds), and I’m eating pretty cleanly.  That is apart from things that totally blindside me.  Like Nobby’s Nuts.  Granted, peanuts aren’t really the most healthy low carb snack, but I had bought a bag for Mr. Yumicho, and last night he was happily chomping them as a late night snack.  I am not really sticking to any plan per se, and I occasionally will eat peanuts or cashews in small quantities.  I asked for a handful without looking at the bag.  They were wonderful.  Light and airy.  I wondered if they were popped like popcorn.  How could peanuts have such a texture?  I asked for another and bit through it and realised they were really small peanuts coated in thick wheat breading.  Ah well.  I told Mr. Yumicho to keep his Nobby’s Nuts away from me.

I really need to keep on keeping on.  Or whatever.

Blog topic 2- Expat stuff

My gut clenches when I think of upcoming changes to immigration law here.  I wonder if we will ever feel the security that others take for granted?  Maybe once I am a citizen.

We’ve done a bit of site-seeing.  I’ve also struck out a bit on my own and have discovered a town that I like.  I am not sure if I like it because I found it on my own, or because it reminds me a bit of the East Village.  I considered naming it, but being the modern, forward thinking explorer that I am, I decided to call it by the natives’ name for it: Camden Town.

I really wish I’d pick up a British accent.  I am not trying to be something that I am not, but rather avoid the associations with my accent to something else I am totally not.

Maybe my recent funk is home-sickness.  Not really yearning for my hometown or the other places I have lived, but maybe some place I’ve never lived.  Maybe it’s an amalgamation of everything I’ve wanted in a place, but really haven’t found yet.  Or maybe it is my anglophile ideas about what life would be like here.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still love the UK, and think I was meant to live here and that I was somehow born in the wrong place.  Maybe there’s a British woman my age with the same problem, only reverse.  Maybe she was born in the UK and felt she always meant to be an American.  Cultural dysphoria? 

Blog topic 3-The In-laws:

I really don’t feel like writing about this right now.  When I think about how our situation, it rattles me.  I feel like I am living with people who can barely stand me, have huge negative assumptions about me that I can’t shake from them (as if I don’t have adequate flaws already).  I am not sure why I should care, but I do.  Obviously, letting go of what other people think is one of the LESSONS I am meant to LEARN.  Most people probably have to learn these lessons, but I sort of got stopped at that point.  Hung up against a hurdle most people sail over. 

Blog topic 4- Books!!!

Yay!  I just finished Oryx and Crake.  V. good speculative fiction read.  Since I loved it so much, I’ve decided to retry some of Atwood’s other novels that I couldn’t get through.  I have a stack of books to get through, and I am really looking forward to it.

Blog topic 5-Misc minutia:

My cat’s here, finally!

I am craving scrambled eggs.

I am way too addicted to Obvlivion.

Our room smells of good coffee and cranberry orange tea.

I am looking forward to a coffee date tonight.

My love for Mr. Yumicho is much more layered than Nobby’s Nuts.

February 2017
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